Hi Mama, was thinking about you today.
Thought I'd drop you a line just to say
I think about our relationship a lot
and what, in the past, it was and was not.
I feel the need to tell you, though I'm sure that you're aware,
I often disagreed with you, and blamed you when I thought you didn't care.
I just want you to know that I see it all differently now.
I understand some of the why, and most of the how.
I want to say I'm sorry for not seeing all that you gave, and all you tried to do.
I want to say, now today, that I love you just for being you.
I'm so proud to be blessed with the attributes you passed to me,
And the ability see all these things differently.
Thank you for giving me your wit and your humor,
And your wish to be the very best mother.
I understand now that like me, and most others too,
You just wanted us to know that you were doing the best you knew how to do.
Now that I see this with 20/20 hindsight
And my fair share of painful insight,
Let me say today, what I should have said more..
I'm proud to call you Mama, more than I've ever been before.
I know that I've still got more to learn.
My days will likely be filled with lessons and hard knocks to earn.
Please know that I miss you and think of you often.
And when I wake with the new day, I send a mental
"I love you" with the rising sun.
My only prayer is that someday, my own children will
believe that I too ran the good race and won.
Goodbye for now, but please, say Hello to Jesus for me
And I'll see you again,when finally, I too am done.
by Shalene Kearney
©2007 Shalene Kearney All Rights Reserved
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Shalene, this line really stood out for me: "My only prayer is that someday, my own children will
ReplyDeletebelieve that I too ran the good race and won." What a gift it is when our children believe that we have been the only mother they ever wished for. My relationship with my own mother was sometimes very difficult, but since her passing I've been able to see her with more understanding and compassion. Not that love wasn't always there - just not friendship. Wishing you a blessed Mother's Day.
Anne, thank you so much for your comments. My relationship with my mom was much the same as you describe for yours. My mother and I were just starting to learn how to be friends when she died in Nov 2004. Her death was one of the catalysts that brought me back to the Lord, though, so I can't say that I would change it (also because I know she is in a better place now.) But this year is the first year I didn't have to face the holidays without help in the form of antidepressants, so it's feeling a lot like I would guess the first year of firsts would have felt. :) I'm sure you know what I mean. I hope you have a blessed Mother's day as well.
ReplyDeleteWhat a very powerful poem. It's just beautiful. You have a wonderful perspective.
ReplyDeleteThank you Lynnae. This poem was written at a time when I was just beginning to really heal from the grief of her passing. There were so many unresolved issues, in our relationship, that it took me a while to get to this place. Only through God's grace and mercy did I learn to see my mother through His eyes, and begin to forgive her for her shortcomings. Shortcomings that weren't that bad looking back. I realize now that much of our issues were my own. Blessings to you.
ReplyDeleteShalene... that entire poem spoke to me. My mother is still alive. I try my best to communicate with her. She's not big on it herself.
ReplyDeleteMay I share this poem with my own mother?
Thank you,
Kimberly
By all means, do share it. I shall be praying for you and your mother. Blessings to you.
ReplyDeleteJust beautiful. Thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDelete~TaunaLen
Thank you TaunaLen, I literally composed this poem while I was driving and thinking about my mom. I had to stop on the side of the road, find a pencil and paper, and write it down. Sometimes the Lord works in ways that we think may be strange, but writing that poem really started the healing process. Blessings to you.
ReplyDeleteShalene,
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful, simply beautiful. What a blessing this is. Your entire blog is a blessing. Proverbs 31 has been a theme with me this year. thank you for this.
Dear Surrendered, thank you for your glowing compliments. I truly do appreciate them, but even in this, my poem to my mother, all glory to Him, who gave me this gift. Blessings to you.
ReplyDeleteShalene - This was really beautiful! You made me cry as I thought of all the things I need to remember to say to my own Mom. Thanks for blessing my soul!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Shalene, for your kind comment on my Rhythm of Parenting piece. Have a blessed day!
ReplyDelete~TaunaLen
Thanks shalene for this beautiful poem, i always try to relate it to my circumstance, where my mum tried all her life to me a responsible, educated and respectable person, but unfortunately i have lost her to dementia, she doesn't even know me any more!!! she can hardly reap the fruit of her labour!!!!!!!!! i apprieciate you poem. THANKS.
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful!!!
ReplyDelete