Now, that's not to say that I don't think an education is important. I know that it is, and the fact of the matter is that, though I pray it is never known by my children, that divorce and death of a spouse could be realities for each of them. For this reason, alone, they should have something to fall back on. However, my problem is that I have a hard time encouraging my eldest daughter to pursue a career as a doctor. That's alot of education and expense that I wonder is really necessary.
It's not that I'm not proud of her ambition. I am. I just wonder is there really a purpose in spending that much money, if she should be in the home as the caregiver in the family? I know what some of you may be thinking, and that is how can I sit there and say that a woman's place is in the home? The bible says it, that's how.
the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things-- that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5 NKJV (emphasis mine)
I also worked outside the home for a long time, and can say from experience, that I was not doing my job effectively as the primary caregiver while I did so. Perhaps there are those of you out there that do a better job at it than I did, and I commend you for that. The fact of the matter is though, that many women cannot.
My problem is not the cost of tuition for her to become a doctor either. She already has the funds available to her that could cover most of her college costs, if she were wise in how she went about it. (She inherited it. This inheritance is also available to her in one third parts at ages 25, 30 and 35 if she does not use it all, or chooses not to go to college.)
How would you reconcile what you believe to be the true calling of a woman, and the ambition of your daughters? I would love to hear your thoughts on this, as I'm really having difficulty with it. I want to be supportive of her dreams and her goals for her life, but I also want her to know the joy of being a Stay At Home Mom, and the rewards of watching her children grow up, under her guidance, not someone else's. (She tells me that she DOES want to be a mother.) How do I encourage both? Any thoughts? I have a few more years before I'm faced with this for my next eldest daughter, but for now, worrying about it with the one is driving me nutty.
Dear Readers: For the record, I do not judge ANY woman that for whatever reason works outside the home, and I am NOT for one moment saying I am in any way a better mom by not doing so. I just truly believe that God calls us to be in the home, teaching our daughters to do the same thing, at least while our children are still young enough to learn from us. Blessings to all of you!
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ReplyDeleteThose are precisely my thoughts on the matter. I just don't want her to think that she shouldn't continue to try for something, I just don't feel quite right encouraging 8+ years in college and then the years as an intern all to stop doing it when she marries. I also don't want her to just quit trying in school, because she should have something. Unfortunately, my husband isn't quite on board with me on this one. We just decided that my being a SAHM was a good thing to do 2 years ago. And it has only been since I quit working outside the home that I have become so convinced of the biblical role of a wife and mother. (Yes, I didn't quite get it before that.) So, part of it is my fault as well, because I taught her that working outside the home is acceptable for her as well. Thanks for your comments. Blessings to you sister.
ReplyDeleteHi Shalene. I can see how much you are struggling with this. I feel for you. When I became a Christian at 20 I wasn't sure if I should continue to get education. I prayed about it and sought counsel and felt that I should. Instead of pursing what I had been (I didn't feel it glorified God), I pursued Journalism. As I finished up that, I felt called to get a Master's at seminary. This time it was in social work. All I really wanted to be was a wife and mom but God had not given me a husband so I was obedient to what I knew He was calling me to. With all that said, I ended up meeting my husband in seminary (imagine if I had not gone!!). The result? I am now a Pastor's wife that stays at home with two great little boys. The Lord continues to use my education. I use my writing all the time for the Internet and magazines to help others grow closer to Him. I use my master's as I minister alongside my husband.
ReplyDeleteYour daughter's desires may (and probably will) change. I would support her to pursue what she feels God is calling her to. If its medicine, then so be it. God may not give her a husband and use her on the mission field to help others. Google "Rebekah Naylor." That is exactly what she is doing. I used to know her dad.
I know this is long but I feel strongly about it. Feel free to e-mail me (robynadams75ATgmailDOTcom) if you want to talk further.
Best of luck and I will be praying!!
Thank you for your comments, Robyn. That helps alot. I guess part of it is the money too. Even though I have no say in when or how she gets it, I just want her to not waste it, do you know what I mean? She wants to be a medical examiner, from watching CSI (No, I don't approve of it, but then again, I don't approve of much that's on TV. She didn't start watching it here at home- but at her dad's, since I am remarried.) I also know that if this is what she truly wants to do, then if she finds a husband later, she will have difficulty giving it up. I suppose it's possible that she will go into the mission field, but though she has a lot of ambition, she often lacks in drive. Which is why I don't want to stop encouraging her- it is motivating her to keep her grades up and do her work, so that she can get into college. Unfortunately, it seems to be her only motivation. Thanks for your prayers as well. Blessings to you sister.
ReplyDeletePrepare for the worst, doesn't get married right away, and hope for the best, that she does. You can't go wrong with a higher education either way. Best case scenario is that she does become a doctor and sets up a general practice from her residence. That doesn't have to be a full time job. She will always have that degree. There won't be kids in the house forever. Good luck!
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ReplyDeleteThank you Bev, for your prayers. I truly do appreciate them and need them. Blessings to you!
ReplyDeleteAnother thing, Bev, I am so thankful that as of right now, my next eldest daughter (who is only 5) says that she wants to be a Mommy when she grows up- that's all. She means like I am now. She doesn't really remember what it was like when I worked. She only remembers me being home. So that's a good thing. The Lord is working in her life already, and helping me to shape her into the woman she is called to be.
ReplyDeleteIt should be noted that if she can avoid getting married, that is the best option, as known by Paul's remarks on marriage. If, like most of us, that is a bit to hard on her, I don't believe there is anything wrong with a woman getting a job outside the home as long as she is also able to take care of the family.
ReplyDeleteI feel you are reading a bit much into the "gender roles" that you are seeing in these verses. The root word for homemaker is oikourg which means "devoted to the home". Can a woman have a job and be devoted to the home? Certainly! Its a necessity for one to be devoted to the home regardless of one's other activities. I would even say that if a man is not devoted to the home, he should quit his job also. I believes its more of a statement about the priority of family than it is a "gender role". One can be devoted to the Church and home, Church and friends, friends and family, and I could go on and on and on. Even husband and God could be a competing priority that could affect the relationships if not watched and taken care of. People split their time up over many things, I think the force of the verse is to remind women where their heart ought to be, not necessarily their bodies. Its different for different folks. Let your daughter figure it how she can best juggle all the demands on her, you've been an example that you hope she will follow, but you can't mother her mothering. hahahaha.
It seems like the goal of all Christian relationship is to instill a good attitude. One in which the Fruits of the Spirit are critical to the survival of the person. So perhaps a more appropriate question is: why does your daughter want to go to college or do whatever she plans on doing? Is it for the glory of God?
A woman can stay home with the kids and if it is for her own glory, it is sinful. I would focus more on the intent and attitude of your daughter than on her specific actions. Christian liberty, its a scary and confusing thing.
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ReplyDeleteShalene, I just removed all my comments because I realized I shouldn't be giving you guidance as I'm not your Pastor. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteBev, I don't know why that is an issue, since I asked for the advice from other Christian wives and mothers, but ok. I respect your decision to do so. I don't necessarily agree that our only council should and ought to come from our pastors, but I do respect that. Thank you anyway. Blesssings to you, sister.
ReplyDeleteBrandon, I appreciate your views on this, but one: I don't think a woman can be fully devoted to a home and be devoted to a job outside the home at the same time. I sometimes wonder if that's even possible if she works IN the home (aside from her home making.) I also know from reading your blog, that in addition to being male, you do not yet have any children or a wife, so I wonder...would you feel the same once you do? Blessings to you, brother.
ReplyDeleteI don't plan on having children. Your dilemma being one of the main reasons. I would have a child and then instantly go into a coma over just the sheer amount of decisions that I would need to make about raising the child.
ReplyDeleteIf I did have children though, they would be top priority in my life. It is possible to have something be your top priority and have it not be a totality in your life. Like I said, if a job gets in the way of a husband's ability to "make a home", he should rethink that job also. I think the intent of the verse is not signify that one member of the family must be there to take care of every need and such, but to create a relationship in which everyone gives something. The family should be looked at as a model of the Trinity.
God created humans in his image, using a contextual interpretation of "in our image" this most likely means that we are made male and female and the connection of the two is most telling of God's character than one alone. Both need to be intimately involved in the home, so this verse should not be advice just for women, but men also.
There is also a huge question of cultural context that has yet to be addressed with this verse. It wasn't written yesterday, nor with 2007 economics at hand. Lets not be like the Pharisees and take the letter of the Law while forsaking its spirit.
I'm not trying to tear up your parenting style, since I'm not a parent. My whole goal is to just get you to think about scripture in a new way that you might not have thought about.
Plus, if your daughter can get by on one income, GO FOR IT! I've got one income and I can barely take care of myself.
Have fun on your trip!
You know what's funny about that? When I was younger, I didn't plan on having any children either. Now we're praying for a #5. Thanks for making me smile about that. :) Blessings again.
ReplyDeleteOh, and don't get me wrondg. I don't think it is only the woman's job to make a home, but if there is no necessity in the woman working (and there isn't much of the time, we just think there is) why do it, when the benefits of being home to raise the children and "make a home" for her husband has so many more rewards? It is harder, I can tell you that! I've only been doing it for a couple years now, and I have learned in these past two years that a SAHM deserves so much more credit and respect than she is often given. A working woman gets her respect in the form of co-workers, paycheck, and such. A SAHM's thanks and gratitude often don't come until later, but we do it regardless of whether it ever comes. That is why I think a woman's place is in the home, or at least my place is in the home. I don't even want to go back to work when the kids are gone. I'd rather continue to make a home for my husband.
ReplyDeleteShalene -
ReplyDeleteI know you to be a sweet soul and that you only want what is best for your daughter, so I pray that I don't hurt your feelings with anything I say here...
I thought I would share with you a little story about my parents...
When I was quite young, I desperately wanted to be in my school's ski club. My parents were not excited about my interest in this arena at all. We went back and forth over their worries, concerns and fears - which were countered by my hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Eventually, my parents made the decision to let me join the club. In my fourth year, I had a bad accident and severely injured my knee.
My Dad said nothing as he drove me to the hospital, other than to ask me if I was OK. I remember asking him if he wasn't going to rub it in and say "I told you so." I will never forget what he said...
He said, "No. I am not going to say 'I told you so.' Your mother and I decided to let you ski because we would rather that you have a broken bone than a broken spirit."
In one simple sentence, my Dad gave me the freedom to be my own person and the inspiration to be the kind of parent that I strive to be today.
I guess what I am saying is that you never know what plans God may have for your daughter. You need to give yourself credit that you have raised her to make wise and Godly decisions, and then step back and allow her to make them. God may be laying this on her heart for a reason. I don't know what sort of relationship you have with your daughter, but I would encourage you to support her with your trust in her decision. I know my parent's faith in me inspired me to walk even closer with God.
As a side note, I went through pharmacy school and drew a lot of unfriendly fire from the stay-at-home mom camp (I know you aren't in this group!). I blocked it all out because I felt God calling me in the direction of Pharmacy school.
I am now a happy stay-at-home mom of two children. I work 1-2 Saturdays a month to keep my license current while my husband has some quality one on one time with our kids. My education paid for itself and for the down payment on our first home. My background in hospital pharmacy also has been invaluable with the health and medical issues surrounding our first child. Without my medical background, she very likely would not have survived - at a minimum, she would not have received the exceptional medical treatment that my background has enabled me to insist on.
I have no regrets about pursuing my degree - it has made me a better wife, mother, and person because it was what God had planned for me. Hope this helps - praying for you as you search for answers!
Michelle, Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. That was probably the best advice I've gotten so far. The prayers are without a doubt appreciated as well. I think I will follow your advice. It certainly isn't an easy thing to do, though. And I guess the fact of the matter is: even if she does go to medical school, she may find she doesn't want to go as far as she does now, or maybe she will. You're right, God has a plan for her life, and I shouldn't stand in the way of that. Blessings to you sister, and thank you again for your wise advice.
ReplyDeleteMichelle is a living testimony. Your teen has living with you as you strive to become the Proverbs 31 woman that you wannabe,after raising a child in the way that they should go you know they won't depart from it. Remember children are on loan to us from God all souls belong to Him. Trust God and place the matter in His very capable hands. Have a safe trip.
ReplyDelete“The LORD bless you and keep you;
The LORD make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace.” ‘