A Happy Ending...Or Is It the Beginning?

This is going to be a difficult post, and one that may not be suitable for young readers, so please read it for yourself, before allowing any of your young ones to read it.

Now that I am an adult with children of my own, and faith in a God with high moral standards, I can look back across the span of time and see so many things I ought not to have done, and should have paid a lot more dearly for. Some of them are still effecting me to this day. One such event is the pregnancy and birth of my first daughter.

You see, I did not grow up in an atmosphere that frowned upon sex outside of marriage, and in fact, it was (for adults) perfectly acceptable, and the norm. So it's not surprising that I was, what some would term promiscuous as a 18 year old young woman. Let me tell you some of the story.

It was a few days before my 18th birthday, and I didn't have a boyfriend, but I did have a good friend that used to be my boyfriend, that I still very much thought I had feelings for. So I invited him to spend my birthday with me. We spent time doing things that many teens do, when they have no parental authority to answer to, or even worry about. We did not become an item again, it was all just a friendship "with benefits" as we liked to say back then. However, about a week later, I met a very nice man, and began dating him exclusively. He was a really nice guy. Unfortunately, at that time of my life, nice guys were not what I was into. How sad for me, but it was true, I cannot lie to you.

Sometime in mid to late April of 1992, I found out I had missed taking my birth control pills, and was very much pregnant. Because my pregnancy was the result of a missed pill, I could not accurately pin point when my last cycle had started. Because of all the irresponsibility on my part, my pregnancy had to be dated by ultrasound. If I recall correctly, the ultrasound stated that I was 13.8 weeks pregnant, by the time the appointment rolled around. By this time, I had decided that the nice guy was not the father of my child, and after getting the ultrasound done, it seemed to corroborate my certainty that he was not the father. If I counted back 13.8 weeks from the date of the ultrasound, the date landed squarely 1 day on either side of my birthday.

For those of you that are mothers, you may know that dating a pregnancy is taken from the date of the first day of your cycle, not from the day that the woman ovulates. You guessed it. Mr. Nice Guy was her father, and I didn't realize it until my daughter was 10 years old, and I actually took the time to pay attention to how things worked, and had a doctor that clarified the process for me. I guess about the only thing I knew when I became pregnant with her, was how it happened.

Well, here's where it gets interesting. After so many years, I no longer knew how to get in touch with him, and the sands of time had rubbed away some crucial memories, that would make finding him possible. Namely, whether his last name was what I remembered it to be, or not. However, I had always been honest with Mercedes, from the time I felt that she was old enough to understand, why her biological father was not part of her life.

Fast forward to about a week ago. Mercedes told Bobby that she was upset that I didn't seem to be looking very hard for her father, after I had told her not to try, that I would do it. To be perfectly honest, my efforts up to that point were only half-hearted. I really didn't expect to be able to find him very easily, if at all. What, with the lack of memory retention, and all.

Bobby took me aside after she told him that, and impressed upon me, just how important it was to Mercedes. So, finally, I got down to business. I scoured my brain, and the neighborhood he used to live in, trying to find any information that would help me find him. Well, I hit the jackpot, all at once today. I found her father, I found her aunt, and have been in contact with him, already. Mercedes is excited about the prospect of finally meeting the man that should have had the opportunity to be her father, and would have if not for my ignorance and naivete.

Don't get me wrong, though this is a humiliating truth about my life, I don't beat myself up about it so much. What's done is done, and there's no changing it. God had a plan, even in that.

So now, Mercedes is going to get to meet her father for the first time, sometime in the near future, and I'm wondering what kind of changes it's all going to bring. I have to admit to more that a little bit of anxiety about what may be coming, but I will trust in the Lord, and in His divine provision. Whatever happens, it will be for my good, and for theirs. I will ask however, that you pray for all of us, in this exciting, and somewhat scary transition we will soon be making. Pray for peace and stillness, while the Lord does what He has planned. I thank you, and my daughter would as well. Blessings to you all.

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