My husband and I were not believers when we met. My divorce from my first spouse was not even final yet (we had only been separated for a year.) My husband's (to- be) divorce was not final yet either. And yet, we began a relationship that included premarital sex. We had a child together out of wedlock, and we lived together before marriage. Now add all those together with the simple fact that it was to be a second marriage for both of us, and it would seem that it was doomed from the start. And it could have been.
I've made a point to go back and think about what it was that has made our marriage strong, and thankfully that's easy to figure out. Number one, first and foremost, is that we have both made God number one in our individual lives. Dr. Gary Smalley, in his book "I Promise" likens it to a love triangle. Picture a triangle with God at the top and each partner at one of the other corners. As you both move up the sides of the triangle, towards God, you are also moving closer to one another. Number two, has been, I think, the fact that we did a 6 week study of that same book.
This is not an advertisement of that book (though you can buy the book, by clicking on the link to the left, under Marriage Resources.) :) But I do recommend it to anyone that is married or even thinking about getting married. The entire book is built around five "Promises". Those promises are the following:
- I Promise to conform my beliefs to God's Truths
- I Promise to be filled by God
- I Promise to find God's best in every trial
- I Promise to listen and communicate with love
- I Promise to serve you all the days of my life
At the end of the study, you both write a "Marriage Constitution" in which you write out those promises and you both sign it. It can then be framed and hung on a wall, as a declaration to all, the promises you have made to each other. Though we have not hung ours yet (I'm still waiting for my wonderful hubby to build me a frame for it, but he's terribly overworked as it is) we have printed it up and "antiqued" it, so that it looks like one of those old parchment documents. I'm not going to go in to how these 5 promises are applied, but I will include here, our Marriage Constitution, because I do feel that that is another reason that our marriage is strong. We both have a strong desire to honor and love one another publicly. I also pray that even if you do not read the book, that the words of our Marriage Constitution will give you the necessary steps to strengthen your own marriage. So with that said, here for your reading pleasure:
Preamble: On April 4, 2003, we stood together to be wed, and promised to love, honor and cherish one another until death do us part. Now that we both have put Jesus Christ in the center of our marriage and our family, we want to affirm that commitment to each other here, today. Each of us loves the other, more than we would have ever thought possible, and we each want the other to know that we honor them and place them above all others in our lives. Our goal is to create in our marriage a place of safety and security, a place in which we can share everything without fear and grow together in deeper love and intimacy. To confirm our commitment to this goal, we both willingly make these five solemn vows to the other.
I Promise: to conform my beliefs to God’s truth. I will gain control of my outlook, emotions and happiness by continually examining my deepest beliefs and striving to make them consistent with what God’s Word says. I take sole responsibility for my beliefs with the understanding that they, not you, determine my emotions, expectations, and actions. Thus I lift from you the burden of being responsible for me.
I Promise: to be filled by God. I will keep God in my heart as my source of joy and love. My love for you will be His love flowing through me. I will receive your love as overflow from Him. I will base the security of our marriage on making Christ my Lord and His will my own. I will strive to conform to His image and follow all His commands, especially the one to love you and care for you all the days of my life. (Ephesians 5:25-26; Philippians 4:19)
I Promise: to find God’s best in every trial. I give you the security of knowing that the negative things that happen in our marriage will not destroy my love for you. I will not expect perfection from you, but will use even irritations between us as opportunities to see my blind spots and foster my personal growth. I will call on the power of Christ to root out my weaknesses. (Romans 8:28; James 1:12; Romans 5:3-5)
I Promise: to listen and communicate with love. I will value every word you speak as a window to your heart. I will honor your opinions, feelings, needs, and beliefs so that you will feel free to speak honestly and openly with full security in my love for you. I will be open with you in communicating my heart and will consider your feelings and needs in all my words. (Ephesians 4:29)
I Promise: to serve you all the days of my life. I will fight all tendencies toward selfishness in me and focus on keeping you, your needs, and your goals before me at all times. I will serve you willingly and wholeheartedly, just as Christ served His disciples not only in small, humble ways, but also by giving His life for them and for us as well. (Galatians 5:13)
--Lord, I pray today that my marriage and those of my readers are strengthened today and every day. That every marriage out there, learns to put you first and each other second, as You instructed. I pray that these words will edify each person that reads them, and I thank You for the blessings that my marriage has been for me and my husband. I thank you every day for him. I thank You for the chance to further Your Kingdom. I thank You for the responsibility to glorify Your Name above all other. I pray these things in Jesus' Holy Name. Amen.
