Forgiveness Part 2 by Shalene

I received a request yesterday by an Anonymous commenter on my article Turning the Other Cheek and Forgiveness:

Anonymous said... The article is from the perspective (predominantly) of 'past transgressions'.... It is Very difficult continuing to forgive, when an onslaught of transgressions, including pathological lying, barrages each encounter.... Said mathematically, these are not Points in time, the transgressions continue. If they were water, they would not be an isolated pool, they would be a river! :) It is true that Jesus suffered.... but he Knew that the end would occur... and at this moment, he can look back on it, as others can.... Please comment on the continuing transgressions and How To Handle Them on a daily basis.

So I am going to attempt to address this comment here today. First, let's address when it's OK not to forgive. In what circumstances are we allowed to say, "Enough is Enough. I cannot forgive anymore"?

"For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14-15 NKJV

Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." Matthew 18:21-22 NKJV (see also remainder of chapter for parable of the king and his stewards)

We can clearly see from these two Scriptures (both of which are Jesus' words) that there is no point at which we can say "I do NOT forgive." For as we forgive, so shall He. It does not matter how many times, or how continuously someone sins against us, or hurts us. I do know how difficult it is to forgive grievous wrongs done to you. I have forgiven many things done to me that most would not forgive. And many would agree that I would be justified, had I not been able to forgive. However, that is not what God's Word teaches us. Being a Christ follower means to live as Christ did. Forgiving ALL. Those worthy AND unworthy of our forgiveness.

Now let me address the commenter directly. It was stated that "Jesus could see the end and look back on it." First of all, the end has not come yet. Secondly, we all STILL sin against Him. The end will not come until He returns and stomps out sin once and for all. We ALL still sin against Him continuously, as in "a river, not an isolated pool." How to deal with it? That is not an easy question to answer, as I do not know your exact situation. I am not a professional counselor, nor even a professional minister, however, I will attempt to help you in this issue, based on my limited knowledge from your comments, and my extensive knowledge of the human psyche. (I've been in enough counseling, that I could be one, I suppose.) :)

Let's take pathological lying first. Pathological lying is much like an addiction and is in fact considered by some to be one. And must be addressed in the same manner. There are many roots behind the possible reasons for the person committing this offense. Please see Wikipedia's definition. And for my second point, more often than not, a person is not a pathological liar, but a compulsive one. This is often the result of childhood issues. In which a person developed the habit as a child, and does not even think to tell the truth- even when it doesn't matter. Please see this article as well.

I cannot give you any advice about your situation, as I don't know the details, and therefore cannot begin to tell you what can be done about the situation. However, I can say this: When you are faced with continuous offenses, it is times like these when your attention must be focused on love. Unconditional Love. The only way you can keep your focus on unconditionally loving a person, is to focus on the One that is the only one truly able to do so. God. Pray for forgiveness, pray over the circumstances, and get counseling for yourself, and the offender if possible. There are just some things that don't work themselves out. And remember this: there is a Divine Plan for all that you go through, and it may be that God is working on you (or the person doing the offending) in this situation. Everything works for the good of those that love Him. Remember too, that forgiving a person does not make their actions OK. It just means that you continue to love them regardless.

I pray this article has helped all those that suffer from continued transgressions, and if I can be of any more help, please feel free to contact me at info@prv31woman.org I will keep all information completely confidential.

--Lord, today I pray for a forgiving heart for all of us. I pray that you give us a Spirit of forgiveness, as You have each and every day. I pray that any unforgiveness in my heart, and the hearts of my readers would be brought to light, and that Your Divine Counsel, would help in these situations. You alone, Lord, know our hearts and our motivations, and You alone, Lord can change them. I pray these things in Jesus' Holy Name. Amen.

Turning the Other Cheek and Forgiveness by Shalene

You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' "But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. Matthew 5:38-39 NKJV

Have you ever felt wronged by someone, and had difficulty allowing the transgression to go, and forgive the person? Has their words or their actions wounded you so deeply, that you felt unable to forgive? Have you ever been certain that the harm they did was intentional, only to learn later that it was not? I've been in this position a time or two, and seen it even. It's hard to know what to say to someone when you know what they're feeling. It sounds so trite to say, "Forgive and let it go. It's not worth it." But Jesus tells us the same thing, in His Holy Word.

Though it was once said, and eye for an eye, love teaches us to forgive. God is love. To be a true Christ follower, you cannot allow the deceiver to speak lies into your life and to fill you with hatred or even condemnation. We are to love our enemies.

For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully. For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: "Who committed no sin,
Nor was deceit found in His mouth"; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously; 1 Peter 2:19-23 NJKV

And when they had come to the place called Calvary, there they crucified Him, and the criminals, one on the right hand and the other on the left. Then Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." And they divided His garments and cast lots. Luke 23:33-34 NKJV

Dr Larry Nims PhD of The BSFF Everyday Freedom eMagazine has this to say about unforgiveness:

Consider these consequences of judgment, criticism and unforgiveness.
1. We continue to feel the psychological pain of the perceived offense.
2. We block healthy communication and potential reconciliation with the "offender".
3. We perceive similar offenses by others who remind us of the offender.
4. We attract similar situations, people and injuries to ourselves.
5. We give up our personal power to others to determine how we will feel and respond (actually, we "react") in similar situations.
6. We render ourselves incapable of ever really knowing, and learning from, the full truth about the event that damaged the relationship.
7. We take added toxic negativity into our present relationships.
8. We isolate/prevent/avoid/limit ourselves from having new, more healthy, and more fulfilling relationships.
9. We become vulnerable to becoming spiteful, resentful and bitter.
10. We disrespect, distrust and devalue ourselves at deep levels of our psyches.
11. We block ourselves spiritually from receiving help and healing from our Higher Source.
12. Our own spirits and souls "shrivel up" (contract) more and more.
Most counselors could probably add several more items to this "dirty dozen"

So for those of you that have suffered from unforgiveness in your lives, I put forth my "trite" advice again: Let go and forgive. It's for your own good. My prayers are with you, and may God's blessings be upon you.

--Lord, today I pray that if there be any unforgiveness in my heart, that you help me to see it, and you help me to let it go. That you teach me to forgive others, even as you forgave me. Nothing anyone on this earth could do to me, could be worse than what I do to you everyday that I don't live as you lived. I pray this in Jesus' Holy Name. Amen



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Who Am I - I'm Not Who I Was

Some days, I just feel like worshipping the Lord through music. Today is one of those days. I hope you can bear with me, and let the music move you too. Really listen to the words of these two songs. They are two of my favorites. God bless you all.

Who Am I - Casting Crowns

Who Am I? I am Yours! You've told me who I am.

A CD of this group was given to me by my sister in Christ and the one true friend who stood fast in her prayers of my redemption. This song was such an inspiration to me, and a source of such comfort, that I sang this song for my audition as a side singer for the choir that I now sing with in my church. I am not a great singer, but when I'm singing to the Lord, I know just who I am, and I don't question it anymore. He's told me who I am.

Brandon Heath - I'm Not Who I Was

I'm so Glad I'm not Who I Was!