Perhaps I Spoke Too Soon by Shalene

Yesterday, I kept thinking about that song by the Rolling Stones. That song about the "Mother's Little Helper" (Yes, I'm that old.) :) And I kept thinking that a couple weeks ago, I spoke too soon. I do that often. Speaking too soon, that is. But that's another subject for another day.

Today I'm speaking of the fact that I'm going to be taking the little yellow pill again (No, I'm not talking about the same one that the Rolling Stones sing about in "Mother's Little Helper". Not a very pleasant song in my opinion.) The results of the pill I will be taking will be similar to the Rolling Stones song though, in that they are an antidepressant.

When did I speak to soon? I spoke too soon when I said I couldn't remember the last time I had an episode that was severe enough to warrant medication. Though it is true that I couldn't recall one at the time I made that statement, though you may find it hard to believe, I am in the throes of one now.

I have determined though, that it is not a lack of faith on my part (nor do I EVER make the determination that it is, for someone else), but it is actually a result of postpartum depression. I had forgotten about that insidious monster that creeps upon me after the birth (or in this case miscarriage) of my children.

The last time I gave birth, I didn't have the symptoms because, you guessed it, I was taking the little yellow pill, and had throughout my pregnancy. I do seem to recall though, that my dose was upped after her birth. I don't really remember clearly. One of the big reasons why I'm not happy about going back on my medication. The loss of emotional lows and even the highs that make for memories.

The flip side is though, that I'm not all that happy right now as it is. Though I have faith in the Lord to see me through, and all the faith that I will come out the other side of this better in the long run, I hate what I feel. I feel out of control. Like I'm going nuts. I'm agitated, irritable, sleepless, and alternately fatigued, unable to concentrate or think very well, and just plain not normal.

I am so thankful that they don't just lock women (or men) like me up anymore. I'm not a danger to myself, or to anyone else, but sometimes my moods may indicate otherwise. I will be relatively normal one moment, and a raging lunatic the next, with almost no provocation. I cannot do that to my husband or my children. They deserve so much more than that.

So, now that I've vented a bit, I'll ask for you prayers. I'm certain that this will be a short lived stint back on the medication, but definitely necessary. I ask for your prayers for my healing and return to normalcy. I ask for your prayers over my family, that they can understand that they aren't making me crazy, that my own traitorous body is making me crazy. And please pray for the peace of the Lord in my life. I know only He can provide it. Thank you, and blessings to you.

There is no "MORE" to this post.

For Our Fallen Heroes by Shalene

Tim McGraw- "If You're Reading This"


My husband shared this video with me last night, and it made me cry. It made me cry for all those families that won't see their sons, daughters, husbands, wives, fathers and mothers come home, because they've gone Home. I wanted to take a moment and honor those souls that fight for our freedoms.

Now, I have a lot of feelings about war. I would prefer to pretend it didn't exist, honestly. I would prefer to forget that we're in the midst of one. I don't watch the news, and generally steer clear of anything that might be remotely negative. I'm a bit of an ostrich that way. (You know, sticking my head in the sand.) My eldest daughter told me a couple years ago that she wanted to be in the armed forces and I became sick with dread! How much more so must those other mothers and wives feel when their family members join. And yet they are proud of what they are doing. I may not like to think about it, but I am proud of them too.

We have a unique opportunity here in the U.S., and that is to be part of a democracy unlike any other. One of the most important to me is our religious freedoms that we so often take for granted. But that freedom has a price. A VERY HIGH price! That is the lives of our sons and daughters and the lives of our enemy's sons and daughters. The price is human life. Not a price I like the idea of paying. Should the time come when I must though, I would like to think that someone would take the time to honor my family members as well. So for all of you that pay that price for me, I honor you today. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and the depths of my soul. You are appreciated and prayed for.

--Lord, I ask your blessing on our troops and their families. I pray for peace in the hearts of those that have lost loved ones. I thank You that You welcome them home, those that believe in You. I thank you that I live in a country that allows me to worship You without the cost of prison or death. I thank you for those people that are willing to sacrifice their lives to allow me to continue to have that freedom. I pray all these things in Jesus' Holy Name. Amen.

There is no "MORE" to this post.