On The FlipSide....

And here we are...on the flip side of my semi-long absence. Did you think I was gone for good? Well, hopefully, you are happy when I say, "No, I'm not gone for good." There have been things going on, that have required more of my attention, lately, than before, and so I just haven't had the time to come and say hello to you. I've missed you all though!! So now, I'll attempt to catch you up.

Some of you know that we recently made contact with my eldest daughter's father, and that she was going to be meeting him soon thereafter. The first meeting took place, and was just a bit awkward- certainly not a "Hallmark moment" that you see on TV when long lost parents meet their children- but not because of any lack of desire to reunite on either of their parts. It was just plain weird. No one knew what to talk about really- though Mercedes and he had spoken on the phone a number of times before the meeting took place- and well, what adult man really knows what to say to a teenage girl- especially one that is essentially a stranger, unless they are of an educator or youth leader persuasion? But other than that, it was fine. We have all been in contact again since then, in a carnival setting, and that went better than the first meeting. Mercedes got to spend the majority of the day getting to know her little half-brother, and she thinks he's "the coolest 8 year old" she's "ever met." We won't tell her other brother she said that, since he isn't 8 anymore... :) She will soon be meeting her aunt, cousins, and her grandmother as well, at a graduation ceremony. I'll fill you in on the details of that situation, after it takes place. :) All in all, I think we're all adjusting well to the changes that have taken place, and we're continuing to learn how to adjust to the ones to come. To that end, I'd like to thank all of you that have kept us in your prayers, and ask that you continue to lift us up, as you feel led. Your caring has been greatly appreciated.

In addition to that, there have been other exciting things happening as well. About six months ago, the pastor of Worship and Arts of our church notified me (and some others, on the drama team) that my name and headshot had been given to the California Southern Baptist Convention's media production team, and that I may be contacted about playing a part in a video series that they were doing. I was also told, however, that just because our information was given, that it did not necessarily mean that we would be chosen,; so not to be upset, if we didn't receive any communication from them. Well a month or so passed, and I didn't hear anything, so I naturally assumed that I had not been chosen, and I was ok with that- though the prospect had seemed exciting to me. Fast forward to about 3-4 weeks ago. The media production director for the CSBC emailed me, asking me to play the lead female character! So, to make a long story short, I have been busy shooting scenes, crying on cue (the character has some issues in her life, that are good cause for crying), and just having fun in general. If you'd like to see some pictures from the promotional photo shoot, you can find them on his blog, at this address: Avant Garde Faith At some point in the future, the video will be available online, and when it is, I'll be sure to share it. (If you are interested in seeing some of his other work, they can be found here: The Seeker, Pray for America, and Grace.) The purpose of this video, from what I understand, is to raise awareness of missions and outreach needs, especially in California, though the video does not have any dialogue that would preclude it being used in other locales. I feel so blessed, that the Lord saw fit to bless me with a talent that I am so passionate about, and that that talent can be used in such a way, to bring glory to Him. Thank you, Jesus!

Though there's plenty of other stuff that has kept me from blogging, I'll just share one last thing, and then I'll be off again (I don't know for how long.) My six year old daughter Aniston, decided that she wanted to get her haircut, because she has so much of it, and it is so curly, that it hurts her for me to brush it, and it's difficult for her to care for herself. So...she decided that she wanted to do something with her hair to help other little girls that don't hav hair of there own. That's right, she donated her hair to Locks of Love, today, and I couldn't be more proud of her. You can see the before, during and after shots below. For the past week, until I could find where to take her to have it done, she has prayed for the little girl that will use "her wig" (she thinks her hair will be enough to make up one wig, and I haven't corrected her) and that it will be enjoyed, and will make the other little girl happy. Does anyone else see how blessed I am?!?!

These above are "Before" shots

And here we are "during" (that is 10 inches of hair, people!)

And...an "after" shot. Isn't she too cute for words?

I hope to have the time to write again soon, and not be gone so long this time (since summer is coming, perhaps I'll have a little more time--No School, YEAH!!!) However, if you find that I've been gone awhile, rest assured, that if the Lord sees fit for me to remain here on earth, that at some point, I will be back again. Thanks for continuing to visit, and I'll "talk" to you soon. Blessings to you all!

Perhaps I Spoke Too Soon by Shalene

Yesterday, I kept thinking about that song by the Rolling Stones. That song about the "Mother's Little Helper" (Yes, I'm that old.) :) And I kept thinking that a couple weeks ago, I spoke too soon. I do that often. Speaking too soon, that is. But that's another subject for another day.

Today I'm speaking of the fact that I'm going to be taking the little yellow pill again (No, I'm not talking about the same one that the Rolling Stones sing about in "Mother's Little Helper". Not a very pleasant song in my opinion.) The results of the pill I will be taking will be similar to the Rolling Stones song though, in that they are an antidepressant.

When did I speak to soon? I spoke too soon when I said I couldn't remember the last time I had an episode that was severe enough to warrant medication. Though it is true that I couldn't recall one at the time I made that statement, though you may find it hard to believe, I am in the throes of one now.

I have determined though, that it is not a lack of faith on my part (nor do I EVER make the determination that it is, for someone else), but it is actually a result of postpartum depression. I had forgotten about that insidious monster that creeps upon me after the birth (or in this case miscarriage) of my children.

The last time I gave birth, I didn't have the symptoms because, you guessed it, I was taking the little yellow pill, and had throughout my pregnancy. I do seem to recall though, that my dose was upped after her birth. I don't really remember clearly. One of the big reasons why I'm not happy about going back on my medication. The loss of emotional lows and even the highs that make for memories.

The flip side is though, that I'm not all that happy right now as it is. Though I have faith in the Lord to see me through, and all the faith that I will come out the other side of this better in the long run, I hate what I feel. I feel out of control. Like I'm going nuts. I'm agitated, irritable, sleepless, and alternately fatigued, unable to concentrate or think very well, and just plain not normal.

I am so thankful that they don't just lock women (or men) like me up anymore. I'm not a danger to myself, or to anyone else, but sometimes my moods may indicate otherwise. I will be relatively normal one moment, and a raging lunatic the next, with almost no provocation. I cannot do that to my husband or my children. They deserve so much more than that.

So, now that I've vented a bit, I'll ask for you prayers. I'm certain that this will be a short lived stint back on the medication, but definitely necessary. I ask for your prayers for my healing and return to normalcy. I ask for your prayers over my family, that they can understand that they aren't making me crazy, that my own traitorous body is making me crazy. And please pray for the peace of the Lord in my life. I know only He can provide it. Thank you, and blessings to you.

There is no "MORE" to this post.

Come All Ye Who Are Weary

Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is light. Matthew 11:28-29 (NLT)

Do you carry a heavy load? One that just bears down on you? I'm not talking a physical load, and neither was Jesus, when he spoke these words. He was talking about emotional loads. Those day to day worries, and oppressive thoughts that just seem to wear you down.

Jesus was talking about any number of things. It could mean the heaviness of the sin in your life, excessive demands, oppression and persecution, or even weariness in your search for God. In my life, my burden is excessive "busyness". The excessive demands I've placed upon myself. I've become "addicted" to the hustle and bustle that I've created for myself. I look back at the end of the day though, and think "Just what have I truly accomplished? Are my kids secure in their knowledge of my love and the Lord's? Is my husband secure in his knowledge of my love?" When do we say, enough is enough, and start living life simplistically?

I began reading a book last night, that I can't wait to finish, not because I want to hurry up and get it done, but because I'm really enjoying what I've read so far. The book is titled 'Breathe' by Keri Wyatt Kent. I've only read the introduction and already there have been some profound truths echoing from within the pages. She compares herself to Wile E Coyote grasping at the air as he falls to the canyon floor. What a description! Now this post is not intended to be a book review, but the book is the reason for this post.

I told a friend recently that I wasn't doing all that much in my life, and then began listing what I was doing. Writing the list made me tired! I need to get back in tune with the Lord, and take time to rest and seek out what Keri calls in the book "Sabbath Simplicity." And that is to take time every day in solitude with my Lord, seek out His plan for my life, and really listen to what He wants for me. I cannot expect to hear the "still, quiet voice" from within the din surrounding me.

If you find yourself in this same situation often, if not daily and hourly, I urge you, take time out to be with God, I mean really be with him. Turn off your cell phones and your pagers; go somewhere quiet; take your bible, a notebook,(and I don't mean your laptop) and a pen, and really listen to what He is telling you! It may take awhile before the din quiets within your mind. But don't give up. God in His infinite wisdom, speaks to us with a "still small voice" for a reason. He wants to be your intimate friend, and He has sent a Counselor to live within us. Won't you stop and listen to what He's saying today?

---Lord, I pray that today, you give me the strength and the wisdom to know when to say yes and when to say no. I ask that you show me the time that I can sit and be with you, Lord. Show me how to put You first, my marriage second, and my children third. Help me to see that everything else comes after- Not before. I want to hear Your still quiet voice, directing my life, and I want to glorify Your Name in all I do. I ask these things in Jesus' Holy Name.
Amen