Mask? No, Thank You.

No, this post is not about Halloween, or participating in the "festivities" associated with it. This post is about being real. Many of you know that I've gone through some really hard times lately, and much of it was of my own making. However, what you don't know, is how much better I'm doing, now that I've taken my mask completely off.

For the most part, I tried to be authentic and real, but when you get right down to the fact of the matter, I wasn't being nearly real enough. You see, I fell into that trap that so many Christians fall into. The one where we think we have to be somebody we aren't so that we can portray an image of "Christlikeness." The problem with that is, if we're portraying an image, then we are most definitely NOT being Christlike. I thank the Lord that He showed me the error of my ways.

I've become so much healthier in the last few months than I ever dreamed I could be. And I have alot farther to go. My marriage and my family have been under attack lately, and it is so reassuring to know that now that I am who I am, and not someone I think I should be, I'm able to withstand the many temptations he throws my way.

Some of the things I've been through in the last few months is rebuilding a damaged marriage (we're still working on that one, but we ARE getting there.) I've also learned that I was pregnant again, after almost a year of trying; and then learning that once again the pregnancy wasn't viable. I just had the D&C last Monday, to rid my body of the products of the pregnancy that would not leave on their own. (There was NO embryonic material...in other words, no baby. Only the gestational sac.) That was heart breaking, but I am still holding strong in the Lord.

I am learning to hold fast in the Lord, and to meditate on His Word daily. I'm learning what it truly means to have a relationship with Him. I mean REALLY and TRULY have a relationship with Him. Not some country club membership, like so many Christians have. I'm not trying to put anyone down, I just wanted to share the changes that have occurred in my own life.

It's been awhile since I posted anything here, and while I don't have any great insights to offer to anyone, other than to "check yourself" to see that the relationship you have with the Lord is real and true. It's amazing the changes that I have felt, and seen in my own life and that of my family. I just wanted to update everyone, and to let you all know that I'm still around. Just not online so much anymore. I'm learning (or re-learning) to sew, I've decided to go back to school to become a counselor, and I'm actively working my recovery. So much accomplished through the Good Lord's help. I pray you all are blessed, and I will continue to pray for all of you.

Moral Integrity In Question....

Though I am a Christian, as the following poem states, this does not mean, by any stretch of the imagination that I am in any way perfect.


WHEN I SAY, "I AM A CHRISTIAN"

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting, "I’ve been saved!"
I'm whispering, "I get lost!
That's why I chose this way"

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I don't speak with human pride
I'm confessing that I stumble—
Needing God to be my guide

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak
And pray for strength to carry on

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting that I've failed
And cannot ever pay the debt

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I don't think I know it all
I submit to my confusion
Asking humbly to be taught

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are all too visible
But God believes I'm worth it

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartache,
Which is why I seek His name

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge
I have no authority...
I only know I'm loved

Used by Permission
Copyright 1988 Carol Wimmer

As you can see, though I do say that "I am a Christian." this does not mean anything other than the fact that my sins are forgiven. It also does not mean that I am free of sin. I have been engaging in a behavior, recently, that any true Christian would be hard pressed not to consider sinful. This is part of the reason for my most recent absence. Though I am not yet ready to share what I have done, and in fact, do not know if I will ever be led to share it, I am led to take some time away from blogging and ministering to others. I do not know how long my absence will last, but I do know I need to take some time to get back into the Word, and to re-establish my relationship with God. I would ask for all of your prayers, as my life is in turmoil right now. I thank you in advance, and I also thank God for each and every one of you, my dear brothers and sisters in Christ. For those of you that have been checking up on me, I also thank you. You have been a balm to my heart. Blessings to all of you, until I "see" you again.

There is no "MORE" to this post.

On The FlipSide....

And here we are...on the flip side of my semi-long absence. Did you think I was gone for good? Well, hopefully, you are happy when I say, "No, I'm not gone for good." There have been things going on, that have required more of my attention, lately, than before, and so I just haven't had the time to come and say hello to you. I've missed you all though!! So now, I'll attempt to catch you up.

Some of you know that we recently made contact with my eldest daughter's father, and that she was going to be meeting him soon thereafter. The first meeting took place, and was just a bit awkward- certainly not a "Hallmark moment" that you see on TV when long lost parents meet their children- but not because of any lack of desire to reunite on either of their parts. It was just plain weird. No one knew what to talk about really- though Mercedes and he had spoken on the phone a number of times before the meeting took place- and well, what adult man really knows what to say to a teenage girl- especially one that is essentially a stranger, unless they are of an educator or youth leader persuasion? But other than that, it was fine. We have all been in contact again since then, in a carnival setting, and that went better than the first meeting. Mercedes got to spend the majority of the day getting to know her little half-brother, and she thinks he's "the coolest 8 year old" she's "ever met." We won't tell her other brother she said that, since he isn't 8 anymore... :) She will soon be meeting her aunt, cousins, and her grandmother as well, at a graduation ceremony. I'll fill you in on the details of that situation, after it takes place. :) All in all, I think we're all adjusting well to the changes that have taken place, and we're continuing to learn how to adjust to the ones to come. To that end, I'd like to thank all of you that have kept us in your prayers, and ask that you continue to lift us up, as you feel led. Your caring has been greatly appreciated.

In addition to that, there have been other exciting things happening as well. About six months ago, the pastor of Worship and Arts of our church notified me (and some others, on the drama team) that my name and headshot had been given to the California Southern Baptist Convention's media production team, and that I may be contacted about playing a part in a video series that they were doing. I was also told, however, that just because our information was given, that it did not necessarily mean that we would be chosen,; so not to be upset, if we didn't receive any communication from them. Well a month or so passed, and I didn't hear anything, so I naturally assumed that I had not been chosen, and I was ok with that- though the prospect had seemed exciting to me. Fast forward to about 3-4 weeks ago. The media production director for the CSBC emailed me, asking me to play the lead female character! So, to make a long story short, I have been busy shooting scenes, crying on cue (the character has some issues in her life, that are good cause for crying), and just having fun in general. If you'd like to see some pictures from the promotional photo shoot, you can find them on his blog, at this address: Avant Garde Faith At some point in the future, the video will be available online, and when it is, I'll be sure to share it. (If you are interested in seeing some of his other work, they can be found here: The Seeker, Pray for America, and Grace.) The purpose of this video, from what I understand, is to raise awareness of missions and outreach needs, especially in California, though the video does not have any dialogue that would preclude it being used in other locales. I feel so blessed, that the Lord saw fit to bless me with a talent that I am so passionate about, and that that talent can be used in such a way, to bring glory to Him. Thank you, Jesus!

Though there's plenty of other stuff that has kept me from blogging, I'll just share one last thing, and then I'll be off again (I don't know for how long.) My six year old daughter Aniston, decided that she wanted to get her haircut, because she has so much of it, and it is so curly, that it hurts her for me to brush it, and it's difficult for her to care for herself. So...she decided that she wanted to do something with her hair to help other little girls that don't hav hair of there own. That's right, she donated her hair to Locks of Love, today, and I couldn't be more proud of her. You can see the before, during and after shots below. For the past week, until I could find where to take her to have it done, she has prayed for the little girl that will use "her wig" (she thinks her hair will be enough to make up one wig, and I haven't corrected her) and that it will be enjoyed, and will make the other little girl happy. Does anyone else see how blessed I am?!?!

These above are "Before" shots

And here we are "during" (that is 10 inches of hair, people!)

And...an "after" shot. Isn't she too cute for words?

I hope to have the time to write again soon, and not be gone so long this time (since summer is coming, perhaps I'll have a little more time--No School, YEAH!!!) However, if you find that I've been gone awhile, rest assured, that if the Lord sees fit for me to remain here on earth, that at some point, I will be back again. Thanks for continuing to visit, and I'll "talk" to you soon. Blessings to you all!

Homeschooling Under Attack! and DOS

Whether you are a proponent of homeschooling or not, you should be aware of something that has happened here in California recently, related to homeschooling. The reason you should be aware of it, and be worried about it, is that it's a fact that California sets the precedent for many other states with regard to laws and such. If a law is passed here, it is often copied in other states. The thing that is most disturbing to me, is not so much the homeschooling issue, as the fact that our rights as parents are being stripped! Here's the breakdown:
Recently, a homeschooling family went to court, and was told that they could not homeschool their child, because it was harmful to the child's welfare for them to do so. That saddens me, for that family, but it gets worse. The three judges who heard this case then decided to apply their decision to all families that homeschool! The decision requires that all families that homeschool must have a parent that is credentialed to do so! That means that at least 90% of homeschooling parents will not be allowed to continue, if this decision stands! Not only does this decision effect traditional homeschoolers, but independent study and charter schoolers as well. What makes this even more disturbing, is that in the late 80s/ early 90s a judge passed a decision that stated that a parent's rights to the instruction of their children was null, as soon as a child passed through the gates of the school. That basically the parent no longer had any say in what their children were taught! And that decision stood! I am more than a little bit concerned by this. Does this bother you at all? California is becoming much like Germany in the way that they view homeschooling, and it is disturbing, to say the least. Dr. James Dobson calls the ruling an “all-out assault on the family.” Also, this ruling is dangerously close to the same treaty titled the UN Convention on The Rights of A Child, that Clinton signed while he was in office, but thankfully never did ratify. Some are saying that although it was not ratified, that it still holds precedence. Very scary indeed.

With this new decision (which is under appeal) parents can be incarcerated and/ or have their children taken away, if they homeschool their children, here in California! There is something you can do though! Whether you are a proponent of homeschooling or not, I'm sure that you are a proponent of parents' rights with regard to their own children, so I urge you to take a moment and go to the Home School Legal Defense Association webpage, and sign the petition. You can also visit ParentalRights.org for more information. I thank you, in advance for your support, as I'm sure other homeschooling families will do the same. Though I don't homeschool in the traditional sense, I support families that do. Won't you take the time to do so as well? The very backbone of parental rights is being broken by this one decision, and it will effect many more, if we don't do something about it! You can also read Chuch Norris' thoughts on this subject. It would be amusing (in a good way) if it weren't such a serious issue.

Another disturbing bit of information I received this past week, was about an organized "get together" called DOS. This stands for "Day of Silence". It is a day designed to promote the homosexual agenda in our schools! The national date given for this is April 25th. DOS is sponsored by an activist homosexual group, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). DOS leads the students to believe that every person who identifies as a homosexual, bisexual or cross-dresser is a victim of ongoing, unrelenting harassment and hate. Students are taught that homosexuality is a worthy lifestyle, homosexuality has few or no risks, and individuals are born homosexual and cannot change. Those who oppose such teaching are characterized as ignorant and hateful bigots. Please go to this site, and see if any schools in your area are supporting it. If so, I urge you to not only contact the school to see if they are indeed supporting it, and if so, to keep your kids home that day! It is my opinion, that the homosexual agenda is pushed onto our kids enough, without it being supported by those that are supposed to protect our kids while they are in attendance. Already, here in California, they have outrageous laws that do not allow a teacher to speak out against homosexuality, and they are even trying to make us accept only textbooks that condone such behavior! Outrageous! It just makes my blood boil!

Please, please take the time to go to these sites, and lend your support. Also, don't forget to pray for our lawmakers, this is important! DOS is a national day, so it may very well be in your kids' schools. Please do check it out! Blessings to all of you!

There is no "MORE" to this post.

A Community Service Announcement

Today, my writings are directed more towards those that live in the US and to for some of it, to the readers in my own area. But it's applicable to all, so please do read on.

Firstly, I was given information the other day about a movie called "The Golden Compass". I have been asked to warn all that I know about the deviousness of this movie. If you'd like more information about this movie, and what' so bad about it, please do see this link. Or you can visit this one. If you are a Christian parent, you do NOT want to take your children to see it! Obviously, you will want to make up your own mind about it, and I urge you to do so, but please go into it with your eyes wide open.

Next, I'd like to ask all of you for your prayers. I have been convicted lately of my inability to become salt "outside of the shaker" (in other words, I'm predominately ministering to other Christians, and not really obeying the Great Commission to the fullest of my ability.) Therefore, I have been looking into some ways that I might remedy that fact. I have looked into starting a Good News Club at the elementary school in my area, and need your prayers. You see, this school has never had one (that I know of) and so far, I am the only one to show an interest in starting one. There is a need for 4-6 people, in order for the club to be started. I cannot do it alone. Please pray that it be God's will that a club be started for these young people. I thank you, and I'm certain that at some point the children would thank you as well. Blessings to you.

There is no "MORE" to this post

We Know For Sure Now

First, I want to thank everyone for their prayers and well wishes, and ask that you continue to pray for us. This pregnancy is not viable; and in fact, there is no baby in my womb. Only the gestational sac. I will be taking medication tonight to help my body to flush it out itself, so that prayerfully, I won't have to have another D&C. I also ask for your prayers for next time. We will be trying again in a few months. Until then, thank you again for your prayers for this pregnancy, and know that my faith has not been shaken at all. Though I'm not happy, I know that God's will is always what is best for me. I may not always know the reasons, but I don't have to. I don't know whether I'll feel up to posting tomorrow or not. I'll either be in pain or drugged up from the pain killers. So we will see. Blessings to all of you. Jesus loves you and so do I.

We Need Your Prayers Please

I'm afraid (a little.) I'm trying not to be. You see, we just came back from our first ultrasound appointment, and our calculations are either a little more than a week off, or the pregnancy is not viable. The reason I'm a little afraid is this is not the first time that has happened with me. The not knowing is the worst. I know that all things work to the good of those that love Him, and that fear is not of Him. So I ask this of you, please pray for this baby, that if it be His will, that the pregnancy is just off by a week, and that the baby is healthy. If it is not His will that this pregnancy continue, that my anxiety about it would be eased, and that we will find our comfort in Him. I also pray for my anxiety and that I keep my eyes and heart on Him at all times for the next 5 days. We go back in 5 days to find out for sure. I thank you all for your prayers.

My Mind is in A Fuddle

Hello All,
I so wanted to impart some words of wisdom or inspiration to you today, but all I can think about is what I need to pack still. Have you ever tried to take four children camping for four days 2 1/2 hours from home?! On top of that the weather couldn't be stable throughout an entire day. That would be too easy. Where we're going, it's hot during the day, and freezing cold (it seems) at night. So that means extra clothes. Did I mention for four kids? :) Well, no matter. I know that this is a blessing for me and for my children, as we'll have time to fellowship with one another and with fellow believers. I ask for your prayers while I am away, and ask that you be sure and come back next week, when I'll be posting again. Perhaps then I'll have some insights to share with you. Until then, I leave you with a couple of the performers that will be at this Christian Concert.

A Study of The Rapture Part 2 by Shalene

I received some great comments yesterday, and wanted to touch on them for a moment. First, though I have a lot of questions about the Rapture, I don't expect that every one of them will be answerable while I am still alive. My questions are only those which, in a perfect world, would be answered. Does this make sense? I have a VERY inquisitive mind, so if I can learn the answers to something, I'll do my best to do so. I do understand that for some of my questions, my faith that it is so, will have to suffice. May God grant me the wisdom to know when to "let go of the bone." Second, I do believe in the Rapture. I do not believe it has happened yet. I believe the Bible is literal not interpretive. I have hope that those that have questions about the Rapture will travel this study with me, and if they don't agree, they're free to do so. I'm not here trying to change anyone's mind about the Rapture; though if it happens, I won't complain. :) Now on to the post.

What about the dead?

But someone may ask, "How will the dead be raised? What kind of bodies will they have?" What a foolish question! When you put a seed into the ground, it doesn't grow into a plant unless it dies first. And what you put in the ground is not the plant that will grow, but only a bare seed of wheat or whatever you are planting. Then God gives it the new body he wants it to have. ....The glory of the heavenly bodies is different from the glory of the earthly bodies....It is the same way with the resurrection of the dead. Our earthly bodies are planted in the ground when we die, but they will be raised in glory.....they will be raised as spiritual bodies. 1 Corinthians 15:35-38,40,42-44 NLT (please read this passage in it's full context for further clarification.)

What does that mean?

What that means is that for whatever reason, we will have new bodies- heavenly bodies- whether we are dead or alive at the time of the Rapture. I don't have an answer for why we need those bodies, except to say "Because God said so." I'm sorry but that's the only answer I have. Faith will have to suffice on this one, I'm afraid. :)

Now what about where the dead are until then?

Well, a good friend pointed out Luke 16:22 to me in reference to this. While it is true that it's a parable, it also gives us a good idea as to where we go when we die.

And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried; And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom. And he cried and said Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue, for I am tormented in this flame. ...And beside all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed: so that they which would pass from hence to you cannot; neither can they pass to us that would come from thence. Luke 16:22-24, 26 KJV

So, from that I get that the dead are indeed waiting in one of two places for the day that we will all come before the judgement seat of God.

I charge you therefore before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, who will judge the living and the dead *at His appearing and His kingdom: 2 Timothy 4:1 NKJV

Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing. 2 Timothy 4:8 NKJV

---Lord, I thank you again for Your Holy Word, that we might find the answers we seek, if we will but seek with a pure and open heart. I thank you for those that you have placed in my path, that my faith walk would be strengthened, and the words that I write would be true to Your Word. I ask that you continue to show me the Way, and that You guide me in the ways that will Glorify Your Name always. I pray these things in Jesus' Holy Name. Amen.