Moral Integrity In Question....

Though I am a Christian, as the following poem states, this does not mean, by any stretch of the imagination that I am in any way perfect.


WHEN I SAY, "I AM A CHRISTIAN"

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting, "I’ve been saved!"
I'm whispering, "I get lost!
That's why I chose this way"

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I don't speak with human pride
I'm confessing that I stumble—
Needing God to be my guide

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak
And pray for strength to carry on

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting that I've failed
And cannot ever pay the debt

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I don't think I know it all
I submit to my confusion
Asking humbly to be taught

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are all too visible
But God believes I'm worth it

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartache,
Which is why I seek His name

When I say, "I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge
I have no authority...
I only know I'm loved

Used by Permission
Copyright 1988 Carol Wimmer

As you can see, though I do say that "I am a Christian." this does not mean anything other than the fact that my sins are forgiven. It also does not mean that I am free of sin. I have been engaging in a behavior, recently, that any true Christian would be hard pressed not to consider sinful. This is part of the reason for my most recent absence. Though I am not yet ready to share what I have done, and in fact, do not know if I will ever be led to share it, I am led to take some time away from blogging and ministering to others. I do not know how long my absence will last, but I do know I need to take some time to get back into the Word, and to re-establish my relationship with God. I would ask for all of your prayers, as my life is in turmoil right now. I thank you in advance, and I also thank God for each and every one of you, my dear brothers and sisters in Christ. For those of you that have been checking up on me, I also thank you. You have been a balm to my heart. Blessings to all of you, until I "see" you again.

There is no "MORE" to this post.

Simply Talking to God by Shalene

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 NKJV

In my experience as a Christ follower, I have had to learn what it means to pray continuously. This seems like such an impossible feat, when you first contemplate the thought. I mean, how can you really pray continuously? Well, I've learned that praying continuously is exactly what it seems.

To pray continuously is to have an ongoing conversation with God. For me this ended up being a lot easier than I thought it would be. You see, I'm a talk to myself type of person. Only now, instead of talking to myself, I talk to God. When something is making me happy, I automatically thank God for it. When something is making me sad or upset, I tell God about it. I thank Him for everything, good or bad, because I know He has a divine plan for it all. I think of those around me that are unbelievers, and instead of day dreaming about what I could do to witness to them, I ask God to show me. When I see a homeless person, on the corner, I ask God for protection over them, and ask if there is some way that I can help.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8 NKJV

I am not for one moment suggesting that I am perfect in my prayer life. But, I did want to share my methods for praying continuously. Perhaps you have a better way. There are also other ways to communicate with the Lord. I also like to memorize scripture that is particularly relevant to my life at the moment. (It's all relevant, all the time, but some Scripture speaks to me especially "loudly".) How do I do this? Well for me, I use the concordance in the back of my bible, find the scripture verses that correspond to that particular topic, and write in on my bathroom mirror in dry erase marker (it comes off much easier than lipstick or eyeliner, trust me, I've tried both.) In that way, I have to see it every time I'm in there. As an added benefit, so does everyone else that visits that room. Surprisingly enough, I've had the chance to witness to others because of the writings on my mirror. :) My husband and I also use this method to minister to our children on occasion. Speaking aloud scripture is a wonderful way to speak to God in prayer.

Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life
Proverbs 4:23 NKJV

I am also a strong proponent of guarding your heart by what you see, watch, and listen to. Some would not agree with me, but I truly feel that watching or listening to things that are not of God is not "guarding your heart." That leads me to my next method for praying: I pray through the songs that I sing. This is also one way in which I worship Him. When I am singing a song, it's usually one that is stuck in my head, and I only listen to Christian music. Therefore, the only thing stuck in my head is words to my Lord. You may not like this method, or it may not work for you. Of course, you may find that none of these methods work for you and you must find your own. There is no wrong way to pray to the Lord, so long as your heart is earnest, and your prayers are too. I pray that these ideas will help you in your daily endeavors to pray continuously, and that your life will be blessed by this practice.

--Lord, today I thank you for the opportunity to share the ways that I talk to you. I thank You that You want to be in constant contact with me and with all of Your creation. I pray that I and the others that read these words will find joy in their daily communion with You. I pray these things in Jesus' Holy Name. Amen.

My Interview with Hannah. (One last interview just for fun.)

At the risk of boring you all to tears, I am posting one last interview. My MAS sisters and I all agreed that we should all interview each other just for fun. I will post the rules, in case you do want me to interview you, but for this blog, I think this will be the last one for awhile. Though I thoroughly enjoy these, I'm not so sure you do, so first the rules and then the interview.

1. Leave me a comment saying "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

And now on to the interview:

Hannah: You mentioned to me that you had a cat. What is your cat’s name and how long have you had him/her?

Shalene: Our cat's name is Molly. She is a Tiffany, which means she is a very small, very skittish cat. (The term "scaredy cat" fits her perfectly!) My husband had her for about a year and a half before he met me, so she's been a part of this family for about 9 years now.

Hannah: You have shared with us your testimony of how you came to Christ. You also mentioned prior to receiving Christ, you considered Christianity hypocritical. What specific examples led you to that conclusion then?

Shalene: Well, it wasn't so much Christianity that I viewed as hypocritical, as Christians. When I was a child and went to church, there were many families that had more money than we did. It was very clique-ish and I felt left out, often. Later, when I looked back on the fact that other than one bible study teacher, no one even bothered to care that we were gone, I just didn't feel the love that Christians are supposed to show. There is also another big church in our area that has been around since I was a small child. That church was always known for being the church that all the wealthy people went to, and just didn't seem to reach out. Now, I don't know if any of that is true, but at the time it seemed believable. Add to that the fact that I just didn't want to believe that Christianity and God were true, and it was easier to say they were hypocrites. That way, I didn't have to look at my own behavior.

Hannah: How do you view Christianity now?

Shalene: Well, unfortunately, there are still a number of people out there that call themselves Christians that just don't seem to epitomize what Christianity is all about. Especially now that I know that being a Christian means being a Christ follower. Not just following a bunch of commandments. It's not my place to judge any of them, and I am by far, not perfect in this regard either. However, now I can say that I believe the foundations of Christianity with all my heart. I believe in God, and I believe in His Divine Son as my Lord and Savior. I believe 100% in loving my neighbor as myself, regardless of their financial, social or any other status. And I believe in the Holy Word of God, as being true and infallible.

Hannah: After your trip to Spirit West Coast, your posts have had a purposeful, direct message. What was the catalyst for this change? How has your writing changed prior to the trip to now?

Shalene: I really don't think that Spirit West Coast had anything to do with it. I think my prayers prior to and since have had everything to do with my writing. I also don't agree completely that my writing has really changed as far as being direct and purposeful. I still have days when I don't seem to have a purpose. I think that perhaps it only seems that way, because I had a few hard hitters right after returning. I pray each day and with each post that a message that glorifies God is shared with my readers. One change I think that HAS taken place is that I now try to place accurate, relevant scripture within each post and I've lost my fear of offending. I couldn't say exactly when I lost that fear, but if it was after Spirit West Coast, maybe it was just the break from writing for almost a week and the Spirit moving in me while I was gone.

Hannah: If you had a chance to meet and counsel with one of the biblical characters: Sarah, Ruth or Esther, who would you meet with and why?

Shalene: Well, I think it would have to be Ruth. She places herself in a strange new place, where she was an outsider. She dug in and did what she had to do and she won the man she was going after in a very uncommon way. (Well maybe not so uncommon, but certainly not the acceptable way.) I can relate to that. If I said any more, I would be revealing confidences that are just not necessary to reveal about other people, so I'm not going to explain any deeper. I hope you can understand. :)


That concludes this interview. I hope you have been enlightened by my sharing of myself. And as I said before, this will be the last of the requested interviews for quite some time. :) Blessings to you and yours. Thank you Hannah for those great questions!

There is no "MORE" to this post.

A Study of The Rapture Part 2 by Shalene

I received some great comments yesterday, and wanted to touch on them for a moment. First, though I have a lot of questions about the Rapture, I don't expect that every one of them will be answerable while I am still alive. My questions are only those which, in a perfect world, would be answered. Does this make sense? I have a VERY inquisitive mind, so if I can learn the answers to something, I'll do my best to do so. I do understand that for some of my questions, my faith that it is so, will have to suffice. May God grant me the wisdom to know when to "let go of the bone." Second, I do believe in the Rapture. I do not believe it has happened yet. I believe the Bible is literal not interpretive. I have hope that those that have questions about the Rapture will travel this study with me, and if they don't agree, they're free to do so. I'm not here trying to change anyone's mind about the Rapture; though if it happens, I won't complain. :) Now on to the post.

What about the dead?

But someone may ask, "How will the dead be raised? What kind of bodies will they have?" What a foolish question! When you put a seed into the ground, it doesn't grow into a plant unless it dies first. And what you put in the ground is not the plant that will grow, but only a bare seed of wheat or whatever you are planting. Then God gives it the new body he wants it to have. ....The glory of the heavenly bodies is different from the glory of the earthly bodies....It is the same way with the resurrection of the dead. Our earthly bodies are planted in the ground when we die, but they will be raised in glory.....they will be raised as spiritual bodies. 1 Corinthians 15:35-38,40,42-44 NLT (please read this passage in it's full context for further clarification.)

What does that mean?

What that means is that for whatever reason, we will have new bodies- heavenly bodies- whether we are dead or alive at the time of the Rapture. I don't have an answer for why we need those bodies, except to say "Because God said so." I'm sorry but that's the only answer I have. Faith will have to suffice on this one, I'm afraid. :)

Now what about where the dead are until then?

Well, a good friend pointed out Luke 16:22 to me in reference to this. While it is true that it's a parable, it also gives us a good idea as to where we go when we die.

And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried; And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom. And he cried and said Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue, for I am tormented in this flame. ...And beside all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed: so that they which would pass from hence to you cannot; neither can they pass to us that would come from thence. Luke 16:22-24, 26 KJV

So, from that I get that the dead are indeed waiting in one of two places for the day that we will all come before the judgement seat of God.

I charge you therefore before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, who will judge the living and the dead *at His appearing and His kingdom: 2 Timothy 4:1 NKJV

Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing. 2 Timothy 4:8 NKJV

---Lord, I thank you again for Your Holy Word, that we might find the answers we seek, if we will but seek with a pure and open heart. I thank you for those that you have placed in my path, that my faith walk would be strengthened, and the words that I write would be true to Your Word. I ask that you continue to show me the Way, and that You guide me in the ways that will Glorify Your Name always. I pray these things in Jesus' Holy Name. Amen.

Why Do We Love Money? by Shalene

I wrote a post on Freedom In The Spirit today on the Roots of All Kinds of evil. We know what that is, right? Love of Money. We've all heard that saying that "Money is the root of all evil." Well that's not entirely correct. It is the "love of money" that is "the root of all evil." 1 Timothy 6:10 NKJV (emphasis on "love of")

How does a love of money cause evil? Well Paul states in 1 Timothy 6:9 "But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and [into] many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition." and in 1 Timothy 6:10 "...which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."

I have experienced this recently on a small scale, because I do try not to have a love of money and material things. The operative word being try. I do have a nice house, we are a two car family, we have plenty of clothes (much more than we need) and plenty of food. The necessary food and clothing are all that we are supposed to have want of. Not all the extras.

Why do we want these things? Well, first, I think it's because we have bought in to the lie that we "need" these things to be successful in life. The problem with that mindset is that the golden ring of "success" is ever out of reach. You never really do grasp it. Second, I think we become accustomed to what we have and the ability to "get more." It becomes like an addiction or an obsession for us.

I've found myself, recently, praying for a means of learning to live more simplistically. I love my house- I did choose it after all- but I should not love it. It should only be a roof over my head. It should hold no more importance than that. I love my car- because it gets me from point A to point B- without inconvenience (most of the time.) But I should not love it. I should be willing to walk or share a ride with someone if necessary. I love my clothes, because they make me feel pretty. But I should not love them. They should be a means of cover only. They should not feed my vanity.

This, I think is where we end up piercing ourselves with sorrows. We find ourselves with so many material possessions, that we've become "addicted" or attached to them, and cannot let them go. We lose sight of the fact that we can't take any of it with us. We also turn a blind eye to the fact that it keeps us from our spiritual best, and that of our families as well. In illustration: you have a good job that pays fairly well, but you have to work hard for that paycheck. Your job becomes your biggest or one of your biggest focuses. Then you start buying things with that paycheck, because it makes you feel like the work you put in has some value. But soon, you become accustomed to those things you have and the lifestyle you've created, and you cannot break the hold that Mammon now has on your life. Or if you could, you're unwilling too, because then you feel like a failure at the lie called "success."

I entered a contest to win tickets to a 3 day Christian concert recently, and learned the other day that I was not one of the winners. I was very disappointed. I understood that there were probably others that needed the free tickets more than I did, and after all, I was the winner last year. But the fact of the matter is this, because of the lifestyle choices we have made, I can't afford to pay to go. So my children and I will miss out on something that I've looked forward to attending since I came home from it last year.

Now, ordinarily, I wouldn't see this as lesson in not loving money. I mean how does not getting to go to something translate into not having a love of stuff, right? Well, the reason it is a lesson for me is because one, I love worshipping the Lord through music, and this venue provides a means of doing so. Two, this is a great way to be in fellowship with other believers outside of church. Three, it was a way for me to spend some quality time with my children, that I just don't seem to be able to find time to do at home. I know, it's sad that I need an excuse like that to spend quality time with my kids, but there it is. At home, life gets in the way. And because I have allowed life and lifestyle to dictate what I can and can't afford, I do not have the money for things that should be primary. Only the Things that should be unimportant.

--Lord, I thank you for this lesson, and I humbly ask your forgiveness for this sin. I do wish to love You above all things, and I wish to be a good witness to my children, to that which is important, and that which is not. I pray that you help me to have the wisdom necessary to learn how to change my lifestyle, and put my focus back on You, where it belongs. I also pray that if it be Your will, that the means to go to that concert, will present itself after all. I thank you for the opportunity to use my life to further Your Kingdom, and to bring Glory to Your Name. I pray these things in Jesus' Holy Name. Amen.

Thorns in the Flesh by Shalene

And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NKJV

Paul never does say exactly what the thorn in his flesh is, but we know that he takes pleasure in it. Despite the fact that he most certainly wished that he was not afflicted thus. I too have been given a thorn of the flesh. Mine is depression. Some days it is very hard for me to take pleasure in anything.

I was diagnosed with my "thorn" only a couple years ago, but have suffered from it for my entire life. I do not take medication for it anymore, but I do not expect that others could- or should- choose to do the same thing. This was just my personal choice. Do not misunderstand me. There are days when I think I most certainly should still be medicated. The last few days have come close to qualifying. However, I remain faithful that the Lord has a purpose for my pain, and that is so that He is glorified.

I do not write this for your sympathy, only to explain my inability to write a post worth much the last couple days. I am emotionally spent, and it takes all the energy I have just to read my bible and keep myself sane, knowing that my infirmities, and in this case the catalyst for my infirmity (my testimony) bring Him all glory.

So, remember that no matter the thorn in your flesh, if God has chosen not to remove from you that infirmity, there is some way that it glorifies the Lord, and you should take pleasure in it. Read His Holy Word; stay strong, knowing that He loves you, and that His grace is sufficient for you.

--Lord, I pray today that though you have not taken my thorn from my flesh, that I remember everyday to take pleasure in it, because through it, I will glorify Your name. I can think of no greater honor than this. Continue to use me Lord, and continue to use my words to reach out to others that have their own thorns. I ask and pray these things in Jesus' Holy Name, Amen.


Praise You In This Storm- Casting Crowns

The Best Blessing by Shalene Kearney

To you first, God, having raised up His Servant Jesus, sent Him to bless you, in turning away every one of you from your iniquities. Acts 3:26 NKJV

On November 13, 2004, my mother passed away suddenly of a heart attack in her sleep. She was 48 years old, and looked healthier than she had in years. (She had suffered through cancer, physical abuse, a gastric bypass and reversal- due to malnutrition, along with a host of other things.) Her passing devastated me. I was not yet a believer in my Lord. My mother and I had a love/ hate relationship for most of my life, but we were beginning to be friends when she died. In fact, I thank the Lord that the day before her death, she spent the day at my house playing with my kids and visiting with me. That in itself was a blessing, but not the one I want to talk to you about.

I spent the next three weeks in a grief induced daze. I became depressed and anxious; unable to sleep and unable to eat. I became a hollow eyed, skeleton of myself. But the worst was yet to come. On December 7, 2004, my husband learned that I had been spending money on some credit cards he thought were paid off, and I had kept this a secret from him. He wanted a divorce. A time when I thought I could feel no more pain, brought shards of glass shooting into my heart. The one best thing in my life, aside from my children, was going and it was all my fault for my deception. I now became passively suicidal- meaning that although I wasn't going to do it myself, I wished for an end to come. I also resented my children because they were the only thing that kept me from ending my life. I found myself wishing I didn't have them, because then I could end it. I knew where the gun was. I knew where the pills were, but I wouldn't leave them like I was.

I had begun seeing a counselor and taking medication for my depression and trauma, but as much as he was helping me to deal with the day to day grief, I was still only a shell of myself. I sat on my back porch one evening, thinking of the mess I had made of my life, wondering where I would go from here. Then a thought came to me. I remembered a time when I was young and upset about something that had happened, and had cried myself to sleep. While I was asleep, I had a dream that I crawled up into the lap of Jesus and as he cradled me like a baby, I cried out my tears of pain and he comforted me.

Now, for me this was huge. I was not a believer at this point in my life, but to remember something about a Savior I had long ago dismissed as fancy, and even argued against in conversation, and for that to be the only comfort I could think of.... I just fell to my knees. For the first time in years, I cried out to Him. I asked Him to save my marriage. I made promises, knowing full well that that isn't how He works (I remembered that from my childhood.) However the promise I made was not that I would be good, not that I would quit sinning, but that I would never doubt Him again. That I would follow Him all the rest of my days.

Now, I'm not so deluded as to think that God granted my prayer only because I made promises, but He did answer my prayer- rather quickly even. My husband had barely spoken to me in about two weeks. Him- the always affectionate husband, had not come near me to hug or kiss me in all that time. He was distancing himself for the divorce to come. However, not 10 minutes after I cried out to the Lord and asked Him to save my marriage, my husband joined me on the back porch, gave me a hug and a kiss and said that he had been thinking about it and wanted to work on our marriage, because he did love me! Now let me be clear here. No one knew I had just prayed and in fact would be shocked to learn that I would be keeping the promise I had just made. Especially that I had made such a promise.

While the answer to my prayer was and is a blessing- my husband and I are happily married now and have since had another child; the blessing that God gave me that day was turning me from my sinful ways. It was a painful lesson to be sure, and not one that I would like to repeat; but I would do it all again, to know the peace that only a love of God, and acceptance of Jesus as my Savior has brought to my life. I still have rough days, and the depression that my mother's death caused to be diagnosed, still lingers (it is genetic, not just stress induced); but I have peace knowing that my God will see me through, so long as I depend on Him, and not on myself.

If my story has touched you, won't you please consider asking God into your life, and accepting Christ as your Savior, if you have not already? And if you have, take a moment and thank God for the blessings he's bestowed upon you. Not just the obvious ones, but also the turning you away from your iniquiites.

Lord, I pray today that my personal testimony to your mercy and kindness will reach someone that needs to hear your words. I pray that through my pain, they will see an image of themselves and ask you to turn them from their sinful ways. I pray that you continue to use me and my life's story to reach out to others, and to Glorify Your Holy Name. I pray these things in Jesus Holy Name. Amen.


My Beautiful Mother