Perhaps I Spoke Too Soon by Shalene

Yesterday, I kept thinking about that song by the Rolling Stones. That song about the "Mother's Little Helper" (Yes, I'm that old.) :) And I kept thinking that a couple weeks ago, I spoke too soon. I do that often. Speaking too soon, that is. But that's another subject for another day.

Today I'm speaking of the fact that I'm going to be taking the little yellow pill again (No, I'm not talking about the same one that the Rolling Stones sing about in "Mother's Little Helper". Not a very pleasant song in my opinion.) The results of the pill I will be taking will be similar to the Rolling Stones song though, in that they are an antidepressant.

When did I speak to soon? I spoke too soon when I said I couldn't remember the last time I had an episode that was severe enough to warrant medication. Though it is true that I couldn't recall one at the time I made that statement, though you may find it hard to believe, I am in the throes of one now.

I have determined though, that it is not a lack of faith on my part (nor do I EVER make the determination that it is, for someone else), but it is actually a result of postpartum depression. I had forgotten about that insidious monster that creeps upon me after the birth (or in this case miscarriage) of my children.

The last time I gave birth, I didn't have the symptoms because, you guessed it, I was taking the little yellow pill, and had throughout my pregnancy. I do seem to recall though, that my dose was upped after her birth. I don't really remember clearly. One of the big reasons why I'm not happy about going back on my medication. The loss of emotional lows and even the highs that make for memories.

The flip side is though, that I'm not all that happy right now as it is. Though I have faith in the Lord to see me through, and all the faith that I will come out the other side of this better in the long run, I hate what I feel. I feel out of control. Like I'm going nuts. I'm agitated, irritable, sleepless, and alternately fatigued, unable to concentrate or think very well, and just plain not normal.

I am so thankful that they don't just lock women (or men) like me up anymore. I'm not a danger to myself, or to anyone else, but sometimes my moods may indicate otherwise. I will be relatively normal one moment, and a raging lunatic the next, with almost no provocation. I cannot do that to my husband or my children. They deserve so much more than that.

So, now that I've vented a bit, I'll ask for you prayers. I'm certain that this will be a short lived stint back on the medication, but definitely necessary. I ask for your prayers for my healing and return to normalcy. I ask for your prayers over my family, that they can understand that they aren't making me crazy, that my own traitorous body is making me crazy. And please pray for the peace of the Lord in my life. I know only He can provide it. Thank you, and blessings to you.

There is no "MORE" to this post.